April Showers in My Head
(On dealing with seasonal depression)
Today I felt a little more like myself. I got up and got ready for class. Then I made myself a cup of tea in a floral mug and drank it as I participated in a poetry workshop. And that made me feel like myself.
The past few days have been beyond hard for some reason. I have been stuck in my head for what feels like weeks on end and the only time I get out of it is when I am talking to other people. It feels like I am stuck underwater and all the hard work I am doing is how I think I will make it to the surface.
A lot of things are happening in the next month and I feel like I need to be and look my very best. Right now my head keeps telling me I am not those things. I am not worthy, pretty, or strong enough to make it through the next few weeks.
But I see this smidge of light that must be the end of this tunnel and that light is why I continue to get out of bed each morning and do the next thing.
Even though it feels like April showers in my head right now, I know that it won’t last forever. Feelings never do. I will make it to the surface again. It might not be today, but I know it will happen one day soon when the flowers begin the bloom and the sunshine warms my face.